A heart-to-heart

“Have you ever attached in long term with someone that you no longer talk to?”  “I do. But  it started to become a burden on his shoulder when I put a glimpse of expectation that barely can be seen.” “What can be a burden when you are not even meeting each other?” “Hope.” “That’s what we called love, lady.” If I heard this word five years ago, I would sarcastically smile and disagree at all. But I realise that I am no longer a teenager and love is actually… existed. It just exist in numerous different ways. Last night, I received a call from a good friend of mine during matriculation year, G, that currently living somewhere in Spain. 10504km away from Malaysia, with 6 hours apart. She shows me a glance of her apartment surrounded with construction in the middle of the city that I’m not familiar with while eating prawn salad, casually pick up from where we left off 2 years ago. It’s mind blown on how fate take her to, far from her own plan and expectation. And of course, better...

Penang, Malaysia I skip 2023 to take a deep breath and reflect how much impact it has on me before 2024 knock the door and got me gasping. I  need to write at least one paragraph before this year ends, though I thought I will never come home. Such a waste of tea and tears, my older self should read this back and realise how quirky I am. It’s August, I am one year older and lost two kilograms of weight. Very impactful, isn’t?  I acknowledge my concern at my previous post (which is three years ago) whether I am able to graduate on time, or secure my first job. My younger self was so anxious that she can’t pass any interview because she was not that smart, but Thank God, she did. She did it even before graduated. Not the best among the best, but God do grant my wishes. A lot of things happened for the past couple of years. Too busy, hectic and exhausting that I can’t even sit down and rant about it just because taking photos are more easier and not demanding any explanation. ...

I might say that I am super proud of myself today.  I started my day with a thirty minute morning walk around my college! Discovering that UiTM Segamat also has a pineapple field, gymnasium and even sauna & spa at our college, makes my sharp jaws drop haha. Might try the treadmill one fine day. Let's see how that curiosity lasts. UiTM Segamat is way too charming to me. The tree, hill, old but unique building, bird chirping, fresh air, wild flowers… so refreshing! I am glad that I started my new life routine here. Looking at the old building but still amazed makes me realize that, it's not about the money, not about the fancy building, nor about the spacious car, but it's all about people and love. The road is too huge for me, and makes me feel that someone is welcoming me home. There are no photos taken. I just brought along my smart watch that I once regretted buying. Bought something fancy (because I’m not a sports person) and somehow knew its benefit you was such a r...

Melaka, Malaysia It’s raining heavily outside. Tacoma started to bloom.  Tomorrow is a brand new year. I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be a pretty rough go. If Allah wills, I will graduate on time. Not sure if I can graduate with a first class degree with honors or otherwise. It is what it is. I just want to be kind to myself. No self comparison, no harsh words, no downgrading, no hard feelings. Just a pat on the back & an opportunity to say that: it’s okay, you nailed it.  I need to secure my permanent job too. I think that I have a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders, which I never thought would be such a burden to me. I need to pull myself together, go out of my comfort zone, and have faith in my own abilities to work in this industry. Thinking that you were not good enough was so exhausting and traumatizing. I don’t want to experience it anymore. For the relationships part (cough) I laugh out loud when I suddenly realize that I never got rejected, and never rejected peo...

What if we just went broke, but have a dream? Does money determine our values? How much money do we need to earn respect from people? Don’t you think rational and valuable thought is important? One of the best memories that I had in my entire life was throughout my matriculation year. The most remarkable day was during the Young Entrepreneur Innovation Competition participated by science & accounting students. The highlight of the contest was innovating products based on their modules, and the topic for business scholars was anything related with ✨ Halal Food ✨. “What if we tried a dry seaweed shrimp roll?” Faa asked. “Is there any wet seaweed in the market?” I replied innocently. They were all giggling over milk shake before simply agreeing. Unfortunately, the idea was rejected by my lecturer. She said that the seaweed shrimp roll was not that competitive as compared to our classmate’s product. After a few days brainstorming, Yaya invent solution; “What if we make an app?” “... th...

Kita tidak akan selamanya gembira mahupun sedih, tetapi layak mendapat pengakhiran yang baik.  In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.  Salah satu impian aku bila dah officially 21 tahun ni adalah kembali menulis di blog. It’s been a while since the very last time I post something here. This gonna be the fresh start for my new journey at this age, and Alhamdulillah finally this entry published! I feel blessed. To be honest, I’m not open up to share my life here due to privacy but I do miss writing permanently. I really enjoy blogging past few years back since 2011, so I take a few month for self reflect; what I’m gonna do with this blog. Here it is.  Ada banyak sebab untuk aku mulakan semula,    perbaharui impian dan tujuan. Aku tahu hakikat banyak lagi benda aku tak tahu. Banyak lagi benda yang aku tahu, tapi masih dalam proses untuk belajar menerima. I want to learn it by reading my perspective as I get older and reflect. Kata F, tahu dan s...

Hari pertama sekolah, introduce myself in front of student around my aged which is about 7 years ago dengan loghat berbeza was so beautiful and memorable. Penghujung Ogos 2008 "Ya. Kenalkan nama kamu. Dari mana. Sekolah mana. Silakan."  Pandang cikgu berkemeja putih silih ganti dengan berbelas anak mata yang ingin tahu dalam kelas berdinding kayu bertiang batu. Aku tarik nafas dalam-dalam. Dah biasa kenalkan diri, I got this. "Assalamualaikum. Name saye..." "Nama saya." Cikgu betulkan.  Aku pandang cikgu semula kerana sedikit terkejut sebelum pandang seisi kelas. "Name saye..." "Nama saya." Dia betulkan lagi. "Name saye..." "Nama saya." Aku dengan beg sebesar alam dan anak tudung ke depan terdiam, dan perlahan-lahan beradaptasi. Negeri ini bukan sahaja jauh untuk aku jejaki, tapi cukup berbeza. Asing, tapi selamat.  Polosnya menjadi seorang kanak-kanak tanpa perlu terkesan ...