“Have you ever attached in long term with someone that you no longer talk to?”
“I do. But it started to become a burden on his shoulder when I put a glimpse of expectation that barely can be seen.”
“What can be a burden when you are not even meeting each other?”
“Hope.”
“That’s what we called love, lady.”
If I heard this word five years ago, I would sarcastically smile and disagree at all. But I realise that I am no longer a teenager and love is actually… existed.
It just exist in numerous different ways.
Last night, I received a call from a good friend of mine during matriculation year, G, that currently living somewhere in Spain. 10504km away from Malaysia, with 6 hours apart. She shows me a glance of her apartment surrounded with construction in the middle of the city that I’m not familiar with while eating prawn salad, casually pick up from where we left off 2 years ago. It’s mind blown on how fate take her to, far from her own plan and expectation. And of course, better! It’s felt like she was riding her first hot air balloon instead of plane.
“It just crazy to think that all of this things happen to me.” I could sense a slice of pain in her crack voice. “Like, how could someone make a choice just to hurt herself?”
“It was happened for a reason. So that we could appreciate good things that came after.”
“Indeed.”
G later introduce me to someone that makes her felt that she is worthy of love. A positive emotional and mental state that she never thought she deserve after lost in the dark for so long. Love just in the air of Barcelona.
Ah, love. How can I describe love? It’s beyond superficial. Love is giving your all just for them without expect anything in return. Love is providing as much as you can afford. Love is allocate time and energy even though you are busy. Love is setting boundaries and still be kind. Love is works on yourself so your baggage doesn’t become a burden to anyone. Love is believe they were enough and accepting their flaws. Love is keep your mouth shut so no words could hurt a heart that take years to heal. Love is mention their name in your prayer. Love is being a human with an empathy.
And I believe love is within all of us.
“What about you? Have you found your soulmate?”
“Nobody wants me.” I laugh.
“You are just at the wrong place. Have you ever heard about wearing shirt that suit you?”
“Oh, ukur baju di badan sendiri?”
“I mean, never put something on that doesn’t fit you well, walaupun semua orang pakai baju yang sama. You know you can always choose size that comfortable enough.”
“Where is the right place for me then?”
“Come here, we welcome you with an open arms.”
Being at the wrong place simply meaning it just not written for me. That’s why it’s not happen. This is my way to accept taqdeer, cope with sadness and live in the moment. Accept that it just not created for me because God knows. Only He knows. He created heaven and hell, sky and space, you and me, so there must be a reason why He decided the other way around. Tuhan akan ganti dengan khabar yang lebih baik.
To those who believe in love, may you found a gentle, kind and beautiful soul to settle with, in you. Someone that will always choose you even at your worst. In the meantime, take a good care of yourself and give your best shot in everything you do. Carpe diem.
:)
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