A heart-to-heart

Melaka, Malaysia It’s raining heavily outside. Tacoma started to bloom.  Tomorrow is a brand new year. I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be a pretty rough go. If Allah wills, I will graduate on time. Not sure if I can graduate with a first class degree with honors or otherwise. It is what it is. I just want to be kind to myself. No self comparison, no harsh words, no downgrading, no hard feelings. Just a pat on the back & an opportunity to say that: it’s okay, you nailed it.  I need to secure my permanent job too. I think that I have a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders, which I never thought would be such a burden to me. I need to pull myself together, go out of my comfort zone, and have faith in my own abilities to work in this industry. Thinking that you were not good enough was so exhausting and traumatizing. I don’t want to experience it anymore. For the relationships part (cough) I laugh out loud when I suddenly realize that I never got rejected, and never rejected peo...

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful EVEN NOT TODAY, IT’S TOMORROW “I hate hospital.” Aisha Huda mengeluh sendiri apabila di minta untuk membuat pemeriksaan kesihatan oleh syarikat tempat dia bekerja. “Kenapa? You selalu sakit ke?” Haidar yang duduk di hadapannya itu bertanya dalam kesejukan di sebuah cafe kecil tempat mereka berjumpa. Kafe berdinding kaca yang menyajikan masakan melayu itu sungguh mempesonakan pada waktu malam, lebih-lebih lagi diserikan dengan hiasan chandelier di atas kepala. “Dulu, masa kecil. Tapi walaupun sekarang I dah jarang sakit, pada I hospital tetap sinonim dengan lemah, derita, kesakitan. Ketakutan menanggung sakit yang tidak boleh disembuhkan oleh wang dan menunggu berita buruk tentang orang yang paling you sayang. I boleh collapse kalau demam pun. So I akan elakkan semampu boleh untuk masuk hospital.” Sebab tu dia tabik dengan doktor dan mereka-mereka yang bertanggungjawab menggerakkan institusi itu.  Berkerut habis wajahnya cub...

What if we just went broke, but have a dream? Does money determine our values? How much money do we need to earn respect from people? Don’t you think rational and valuable thought is important? One of the best memories that I had in my entire life was throughout my matriculation year. The most remarkable day was during the Young Entrepreneur Innovation Competition participated by science & accounting students. The highlight of the contest was innovating products based on their modules, and the topic for business scholars was anything related with ✨ Halal Food ✨. “What if we tried a dry seaweed shrimp roll?” Faa asked. “Is there any wet seaweed in the market?” I replied innocently. They were all giggling over milk shake before simply agreeing. Unfortunately, the idea was rejected by my lecturer. She said that the seaweed shrimp roll was not that competitive as compared to our classmate’s product. After a few days brainstorming, Yaya invent solution; “What if we make an app?” “... th...

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful E V E R Y D E L A Y T H E R E I S K I N D N E S S A short story for an amazing person. Kuyucak, tahun 1960. Pada zaman dahulu, tinggal seorang lelaki separuh abad bersama anak lelakinya dalam perkampungan kecil yang terletak di Isparta, Turki. Rumah kayu yang didiami keluarga kecil itu dikelilingi tanaman gandum bewarna keemasan. Kejiranan di kampung itu boleh dikira dengan jari namun mereka tetap bersatu hati bekerja di bawah terik mentari. Sekam yang diperoleh hasil daripada gandum itu dipisahkan, dihancurkan lalu dijadikan bran. Selain menghasilkan jerami, gandum ditanam untuk tanaman ragut bagi ternakan lembu dan itik yang diternak orang kampung. Bagi anak kecil itu, tiada apa yang lebih membahagiakan selain ayah yang penyayang, kehangatan matahari dan sekali lagi, air tangan ayahnya walaupun anak kecil itu tidak pernah meluahkan rasa kagumnya menikmati masakan pemilik sepasang mata Hazel yang sering kepenatan namun tida...

In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful A B I D E - put up with, tolerate; await; Turutkan rasa inginkan sama, orang lain akan sentiasa lebih daripada kamu.  Turutkan hati mahukan lebih, keinginanmu takkan pernah cukup. Malam. Langit berbintang. Di latari siren polis di jalanan. “You baca tak berita semalam pasal sekumpulan homeless teenagers yang terjun jambatan sebab tak tahan dengan bebanan hidup?” “Yeah. I felt sorry for them, they were just 17.” Redza meletakkan dua tin minuman di antara mereka sambil melabuhkan duduk di atas hamparan padang rumput. “Adil ke untuk manusia dapat penamat yang macam tu? Macam... dunia luar menakutkan kut, dan mereka sepatutnya dilindungi.” “Do you mean by equality?” Redza berpaling ke arah orang di sebelah. Quril mengangkat sebelah bahu. “At least an education to survive this world, perhaps. Don’t you think that if all of us have the same environment and opportunity, it will be less jealousy, nobody hurt, make it easier to than...

Kita tidak akan selamanya gembira mahupun sedih, tetapi layak mendapat pengakhiran yang baik.  In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.  Salah satu impian aku bila dah officially 21 tahun ni adalah kembali menulis di blog. It’s been a while since the very last time I post something here. This gonna be the fresh start for my new journey at this age, and Alhamdulillah finally this entry published! I feel blessed. To be honest, I’m not open up to share my life here due to privacy but I do miss writing permanently. I really enjoy blogging past few years back since 2011, so I take a few month for self reflect; what I’m gonna do with this blog. Here it is.  Ada banyak sebab untuk aku mulakan semula,    perbaharui impian dan tujuan. Aku tahu hakikat banyak lagi benda aku tak tahu. Banyak lagi benda yang aku tahu, tapi masih dalam proses untuk belajar menerima. I want to learn it by reading my perspective as I get older and reflect. Kata F, tahu dan s...